Young*Fat*Fabulous

People are crazy about "Eat, Pray, Love" and I am thinking about to be "Young, Fat and Fabulous".
Well, to be honest, I used to very much concern about my weight, even though people keep telling me, "Naw, you are not fat, you are just having big structure!" then they will shud their shoulder.  I know what kind of 'micro expression' is that, hello!
After 15 years of working out with my weight, I finally take the decision to eat whatever I want and whatever I like starting now, especially after I realised the fact (it could be brainwashed in another words) that fat could be fabulous and even sexy sometimes, after I have found where to buy for all the plus sizes clothes and shoes (evil laugh!)
To starve myself is so not-like-me type! 
Losing this lose-weight habit, I adapt another new one, to stay young as long as I can :D
If I am happy the formular could always goes this way "Young + Fat = Fabulous".  So those who reading this post, if you are over 120 pounds and none of the normal shops with their noraml sizes can cater your size, cheers up!  There is no rule saying that we can't enjoy our lives as much as the slim people do, we go for beautiful clothes too, we might also go for handsome and rich guys out there (they have to be over 120 pounds too, normally) and we have the right to choose to be young and fabulous in our own way!

Growing up

When we are much younger, we wish people could tell us more about ourselves, the part whereby we are not so sure about;
But years later, we avoid people from reading our minds and actions, we pretend everything is fine, even though sometimes it is not. 
Growing up sometimes meaning more secrets, more lies.
We build wall between us and others, regardless whether they are our loved ones or the hated ones.
We say 'yes' when we mean 'no'.
Smiling means happy, that is in the past, and most of the time now, it can sometimes means pain and hatred.
We tend to bury ourselves, bit by bit, insteads of open up and live our lives, so that no ones can ever harm us; ironically, others get hurt and in return, we withdraw from each other.
Growing up means the path to aloneness (less trust and more solitary) 

The pieces

"Life may sometimes fall into a thousand pieces, yet you can always pick up one piece and start all over again"

Read this phrase somewhere tonight and a thought came into my mind, "Could it be that easy?".  Especially, you do not know which piece to pick up.  Or maybe there is no pieces for you to pick up there?

Perhaps, to this point, you might perceice me as someone who is always at the negative side.

Well, it is just a spontenous thought that crossed my mind, it doesn't matter, anyway.  Not anymore, when someone like me, who once hoped high, aimed high, eventually choose to live low and flat now. 

Any piece, whether there is one or none, it doesn't matter anymore. 

Well, the choice doesn't make me less happy or relief, it is just one step that I made to be able to stop for a while and if there is another path that I could possibly find one day. 

Some pains are unspeakable

Finished reading "For One More Day" by Mitch Albom, recently.
He begun the story by telling how he ends up killing himself... interesting enough when he mentioned that in the very first sentence of the book, makes you wanted to read more.
The first chapter itself reminds me of many things happened lately in my life.
I don't know whether it is because of age, or it is because of what I really experience in life that when I read this book, it gives me some sort of unspeakable kind of feeling.  How to put them in words... ehm... Let's see... Can I say that I feel more, something deeper this time.
I love reading good books, enjoying good songs and musics, they give me sensational feelings that no words can describe.  To sum up, they are good stuffs that I don't want to miss, in the past, I meant.  And, today, I found something different, that there are certain things in life that I thought I know and I understand, but after so many things happened and I read something like what he wrote in the book, I feel the pain for the very first time, a deeper one compared to whatever books or lines I'd read in the past, that I guess, I understand how he feels because I feel the same too.  The kind of pain that only can be understood when you have the same experience. 
It is great, I guess?  To be able to find some similarities between you and someone who lives in different world and life from you, in a far distance, but something there is connecting the both of you, the same pain, the same guilt and the same feeling of abandonment.
Well, I think that's what we called 'growing up'.
The more you understand, the less you are able to put them in words, because some pains are unspeakable.