Something I read somewhere

"If we are honest to ourselves, we can list almost everything that's ever happened to us - and see how we helped create it and build us."

Selfishness

We all have this within us... selfishness...
For most of the time, we feel the pain inside us so deeply that we have forgotten about those who loved us suffered greater than us...

It is all right for you of how others might see you, because those who understand you won’t question and judge, but those who would like to see what they wanted to see will see you the way they have always wanted to. 

Simply scribbling

I can’t remember the name of the game…  Well, I played it in the church long, long time ago.  It goes like this…

Close your eyes, fall backwards and trust your friends to catch you.

Although everything is planned, you aren’t supposed to be afraid, still it scares you, until you fall and they catch you from behind, then only the worries go away.

The sadden truth is in real life, you will never let yourself fall, because there is no one to catch you.  Therefore you keep telling yourself you got to be stronger than anybody else, you make sure you survive even in the roughest sea; you refuse to cry and to reveal the feelings inside you…

Just because you know there is no one there, there is never anyone there.  To break down and cry is some kind of weaknesses that you would never wanted others to know. 

For years, you kept what Mother Teresa once quoted in your heart, ‘being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody… is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat.’ And at the same time you knew that only ‘love like you’ve never been hurt’ can change everything in you life including gaining the trust back. 

You do not know when this inner struggle is going to end, but you have decided to give it a try, to fall backwards once to see if there is any hand to catch you.  The decision is somehow painful, requiring courage that taking all your breath away, but you said you have decided, so that you can move on in life. 

Letting go...

According to him…


For so many months, he was standing at the crossroad, feeling helplessly and hopelessly…

People come and go, trying to give him hands, yet he grabs none of them. He was so blurred, so reluctant and too afraid that he has forgotten on how to give his hand to others…

He cried his heart out, he crashed things, he hurt himself, he lost control of everything; no one would probably understand the pain deep inside him; he was eventually left alone in the shell he built to hide himself so that no one and nothing can ever reach him anymore.

One day, someone who had has worsened experience walked into his life and asked him ‘ARE YOU HAPPY?’ Like usual, his denial character inside him wanted to tell a lie by saying that he is, yet spontaneously he shocked his head and admitted that he isn’t happy, eventually. ‘Being in the stage of the dilemma is the most painful thing, but to make a U-turn is even worst, however, staying in the crossroad will eventually drag one to the ultimate suffering; making a U-turn is tougher decision but you left with no choice, you have to do it, because that’s the only way you can let go of whatever that is tighten you up and move on in life.’

Realizing he has been loitering too long at the crossroad, he is tired, his shoulder is heavier than usual that he knows he has to let go some of the burdens and make a U-turn. Staying still at the same place would only make him depresses more and eventually choose to walk down to the path that won’t do him any good.

Making a U-turn in life is always the hardest part ever, some people prefer to stay still at the same point, as they thought that is one kind of security, no risk means no harm, some choose to withdraw and give up, some choose the life to lead them instead of themselves fighting back of what they want…

And today he is telling the world he will move on, fighting back whatever defeating him along the way.

Cheers to those who are suffering from Bipolar Disorder, make the U-turn and only we get to see another side of the world.