Simply scribbling

I can’t remember the name of the game…  Well, I played it in the church long, long time ago.  It goes like this…

Close your eyes, fall backwards and trust your friends to catch you.

Although everything is planned, you aren’t supposed to be afraid, still it scares you, until you fall and they catch you from behind, then only the worries go away.

The sadden truth is in real life, you will never let yourself fall, because there is no one to catch you.  Therefore you keep telling yourself you got to be stronger than anybody else, you make sure you survive even in the roughest sea; you refuse to cry and to reveal the feelings inside you…

Just because you know there is no one there, there is never anyone there.  To break down and cry is some kind of weaknesses that you would never wanted others to know. 

For years, you kept what Mother Teresa once quoted in your heart, ‘being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody… is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat.’ And at the same time you knew that only ‘love like you’ve never been hurt’ can change everything in you life including gaining the trust back. 

You do not know when this inner struggle is going to end, but you have decided to give it a try, to fall backwards once to see if there is any hand to catch you.  The decision is somehow painful, requiring courage that taking all your breath away, but you said you have decided, so that you can move on in life.