Well, Nazz told me this blog is no longer belonged under the English Unit anymore, which means it is officially mine now :D
Have not post anything for quite some times. Not even update FB too.
Sometimes, we just get tired of doing the same things over and over again.
I'm back, yet not sure what to write...
How about writing Steve Jobs and the hot iPhone 4S? ... Well, i guess too many are writing about this, it is going to sound boring...
To moan on Ashley's leaving? Well, that supposed to be done earlier, in person (which was not done at all :D) not in the blog, after 1 month of her departure.
How about my parents who came here last August? Hmmm... Maybe, nope! It doesn't sound interesting at all, all about how they argued on small matters that caused me headache and dizziness.
Let's talk about my secret plan of getting married (secretly) and have a baby next year?! Nay! It doesn't supposed to be annouced here.
Or, the mix feelings that I'm having since last few days... To love or not to love, though i know it is not supposed to happen that way and it won't happen too.
Just forget about it then, will be updating once I have something in mind then.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Through the Rain
When you are caught in the rain, With nowhere to run
When you’re distraught, and in pain, without anyone
and you keep crying out to be saved, but nobody comes
and you feel so far away
That you just can't find your way home
you can get there alone
it's okay
What you say is
I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again
On my own and I know
That I’m strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid
I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day
And I make it through the rain
And if you keep falling down
Don’t you dare give in
You will arise safe and sound
So keep pressing on steadfastly
And you’ll find what you need to prevail
What you say is
I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again
On my own and I know
That I’m strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid
I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day
And I make it through the rain
And when the wind blows
As shadows grow close
Don’t be afraid>
There’s nothing you can’t face
And should they tell you
You’ll never pull through
Don’t hesitate
Stand tall and say I
I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again
On my own and I know
That I’m strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid
I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day
And I'll make it through the rain
I can make it through the rain
And stand up once again
And I live one more day, and I
I can make it through the rain
Oh yes, you can
You’re gonna make it through the rain.
Let's make it through the rain! Cheers!
Monday, June 13, 2011
Life is in its silent mode
Life is in a static state...
Nothing much, no excitment, no heart-breaking; it is just nothing much. As if the world just stood still, so still that only the buzzing sound in the head tells the existance of oneself.
Life is in its silent mode...
No more fairy tales.
And I don't walk purposely down the street just to bump into you and feel the heart-bumping feeling anymore, because you are no more there and the music of yesterday just stopped.
Life keeps quiet like how I choose to be quiet of your departure.
Nothing much, no excitment, no heart-breaking; it is just nothing much. As if the world just stood still, so still that only the buzzing sound in the head tells the existance of oneself.
Life is in its silent mode...
No more fairy tales.
And I don't walk purposely down the street just to bump into you and feel the heart-bumping feeling anymore, because you are no more there and the music of yesterday just stopped.
Life keeps quiet like how I choose to be quiet of your departure.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Life goes on 2
What is the most painful moment in life?
- Caught your spouse in bed with someone else?
- The one you expected to spend your entire life with didn’t turn up during the wed?
- Or perhaps the loved one pass away before you could ever tell him or her how much you care?
- Losing everything in life, your loved ones, your future, everything falls into pieces? Worst still, losing faith and do not know when to get up again?
Some pains are just irrevocably.
Watching people crying and you have no tears to running down you chin, and you know the level of pain both of you have are different. They cry because they feel it but not you. That doesn’t mean your pain is less. You have learnt to swallow it a little bit better than them.
What’s the point to tell the whole world that you are in pain, while the day after tomorrow no one would remember what you had cried for and even, you yourself do not want to remember anything from it?
Life goes on, everyone is tired with the burden they carry with them, therefore, let’s laugh and have a good time every time we meet, no matter how hard is the day, because everything shall pass and life goes on, so do us.
- Caught your spouse in bed with someone else?
- The one you expected to spend your entire life with didn’t turn up during the wed?
- Or perhaps the loved one pass away before you could ever tell him or her how much you care?
- Losing everything in life, your loved ones, your future, everything falls into pieces? Worst still, losing faith and do not know when to get up again?
Some pains are just irrevocably.
Watching people crying and you have no tears to running down you chin, and you know the level of pain both of you have are different. They cry because they feel it but not you. That doesn’t mean your pain is less. You have learnt to swallow it a little bit better than them.
What’s the point to tell the whole world that you are in pain, while the day after tomorrow no one would remember what you had cried for and even, you yourself do not want to remember anything from it?
Life goes on, everyone is tired with the burden they carry with them, therefore, let’s laugh and have a good time every time we meet, no matter how hard is the day, because everything shall pass and life goes on, so do us.
Life goes on
The journey never stops, no matter how tired you were.
And time won’t stop, even if you decided to end everything.
The sun still rise, only people seeing it are different.
Life goes on; only the characters change and tell another different story.
And time won’t stop, even if you decided to end everything.
The sun still rise, only people seeing it are different.
Life goes on; only the characters change and tell another different story.
Everyday is another new beginning
When you thought it is over, that’s when you realize something else is about to start.
And, everything is beyond your control, regardless whether it is about something good or something bad; all things could just go loose in hands, when you thought you’d grabbed what you want.
Well, that’s life. So, bear with it and learn to live with it. That’s the classic advice.
Someone dies today and the next moment another new life is born… So, bear with it and learn to live with it, as life is short and why wasting time while we do not have much to spend on doing more meaningful stuffs?!
And, everything is beyond your control, regardless whether it is about something good or something bad; all things could just go loose in hands, when you thought you’d grabbed what you want.
Well, that’s life. So, bear with it and learn to live with it. That’s the classic advice.
Someone dies today and the next moment another new life is born… So, bear with it and learn to live with it, as life is short and why wasting time while we do not have much to spend on doing more meaningful stuffs?!
Thank you and goodbye too
An angel sometimes makes your world fall into pieces, too.
Thanks for not being there when I needed someone badly.
Thanks for awaken me from dreams that the last good person is always is always there for me.
Thanks for showing me what the real world is.
Thought of hating you and hurt you as much as you had hurt me.
But, I guess that would be too much and it hurts me more in return, so we might as well move on and never look back.
Thanks anyway and goodbye for stepping out of my world.
Thanks for not being there when I needed someone badly.
Thanks for awaken me from dreams that the last good person is always is always there for me.
Thanks for showing me what the real world is.
Thought of hating you and hurt you as much as you had hurt me.
But, I guess that would be too much and it hurts me more in return, so we might as well move on and never look back.
Thanks anyway and goodbye for stepping out of my world.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Young*Fat*Fabulous
People are crazy about "Eat, Pray, Love" and I am thinking about to be "Young, Fat and Fabulous".
Well, to be honest, I used to very much concern about my weight, even though people keep telling me, "Naw, you are not fat, you are just having big structure!" then they will shud their shoulder. I know what kind of 'micro expression' is that, hello!
After 15 years of working out with my weight, I finally take the decision to eat whatever I want and whatever I like starting now, especially after I realised the fact (it could be brainwashed in another words) that fat could be fabulous and even sexy sometimes, after I have found where to buy for all the plus sizes clothes and shoes (evil laugh!)
To starve myself is so not-like-me type!
Losing this lose-weight habit, I adapt another new one, to stay young as long as I can :D
If I am happy the formular could always goes this way "Young + Fat = Fabulous". So those who reading this post, if you are over 120 pounds and none of the normal shops with their noraml sizes can cater your size, cheers up! There is no rule saying that we can't enjoy our lives as much as the slim people do, we go for beautiful clothes too, we might also go for handsome and rich guys out there (they have to be over 120 pounds too, normally) and we have the right to choose to be young and fabulous in our own way!
Well, to be honest, I used to very much concern about my weight, even though people keep telling me, "Naw, you are not fat, you are just having big structure!" then they will shud their shoulder. I know what kind of 'micro expression' is that, hello!
After 15 years of working out with my weight, I finally take the decision to eat whatever I want and whatever I like starting now, especially after I realised the fact (it could be brainwashed in another words) that fat could be fabulous and even sexy sometimes, after I have found where to buy for all the plus sizes clothes and shoes (evil laugh!)
To starve myself is so not-like-me type!
Losing this lose-weight habit, I adapt another new one, to stay young as long as I can :D
If I am happy the formular could always goes this way "Young + Fat = Fabulous". So those who reading this post, if you are over 120 pounds and none of the normal shops with their noraml sizes can cater your size, cheers up! There is no rule saying that we can't enjoy our lives as much as the slim people do, we go for beautiful clothes too, we might also go for handsome and rich guys out there (they have to be over 120 pounds too, normally) and we have the right to choose to be young and fabulous in our own way!
Growing up
When we are much younger, we wish people could tell us more about ourselves, the part whereby we are not so sure about;
But years later, we avoid people from reading our minds and actions, we pretend everything is fine, even though sometimes it is not.
Growing up sometimes meaning more secrets, more lies.
We build wall between us and others, regardless whether they are our loved ones or the hated ones.
We say 'yes' when we mean 'no'.
Smiling means happy, that is in the past, and most of the time now, it can sometimes means pain and hatred.
We tend to bury ourselves, bit by bit, insteads of open up and live our lives, so that no ones can ever harm us; ironically, others get hurt and in return, we withdraw from each other.
Growing up means the path to aloneness (less trust and more solitary)
But years later, we avoid people from reading our minds and actions, we pretend everything is fine, even though sometimes it is not.
Growing up sometimes meaning more secrets, more lies.
We build wall between us and others, regardless whether they are our loved ones or the hated ones.
We say 'yes' when we mean 'no'.
Smiling means happy, that is in the past, and most of the time now, it can sometimes means pain and hatred.
We tend to bury ourselves, bit by bit, insteads of open up and live our lives, so that no ones can ever harm us; ironically, others get hurt and in return, we withdraw from each other.
Growing up means the path to aloneness (less trust and more solitary)
The pieces
"Life may sometimes fall into a thousand pieces, yet you can always pick up one piece and start all over again"
Read this phrase somewhere tonight and a thought came into my mind, "Could it be that easy?". Especially, you do not know which piece to pick up. Or maybe there is no pieces for you to pick up there?
Perhaps, to this point, you might perceice me as someone who is always at the negative side.
Well, it is just a spontenous thought that crossed my mind, it doesn't matter, anyway. Not anymore, when someone like me, who once hoped high, aimed high, eventually choose to live low and flat now.
Any piece, whether there is one or none, it doesn't matter anymore.
Well, the choice doesn't make me less happy or relief, it is just one step that I made to be able to stop for a while and if there is another path that I could possibly find one day.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Some pains are unspeakable
Finished reading "For One More Day" by Mitch Albom, recently.
He begun the story by telling how he ends up killing himself... interesting enough when he mentioned that in the very first sentence of the book, makes you wanted to read more.
The first chapter itself reminds me of many things happened lately in my life.
I don't know whether it is because of age, or it is because of what I really experience in life that when I read this book, it gives me some sort of unspeakable kind of feeling. How to put them in words... ehm... Let's see... Can I say that I feel more, something deeper this time.
I love reading good books, enjoying good songs and musics, they give me sensational feelings that no words can describe. To sum up, they are good stuffs that I don't want to miss, in the past, I meant. And, today, I found something different, that there are certain things in life that I thought I know and I understand, but after so many things happened and I read something like what he wrote in the book, I feel the pain for the very first time, a deeper one compared to whatever books or lines I'd read in the past, that I guess, I understand how he feels because I feel the same too. The kind of pain that only can be understood when you have the same experience.
It is great, I guess? To be able to find some similarities between you and someone who lives in different world and life from you, in a far distance, but something there is connecting the both of you, the same pain, the same guilt and the same feeling of abandonment.
Well, I think that's what we called 'growing up'.
The more you understand, the less you are able to put them in words, because some pains are unspeakable.
He begun the story by telling how he ends up killing himself... interesting enough when he mentioned that in the very first sentence of the book, makes you wanted to read more.
The first chapter itself reminds me of many things happened lately in my life.
I don't know whether it is because of age, or it is because of what I really experience in life that when I read this book, it gives me some sort of unspeakable kind of feeling. How to put them in words... ehm... Let's see... Can I say that I feel more, something deeper this time.
I love reading good books, enjoying good songs and musics, they give me sensational feelings that no words can describe. To sum up, they are good stuffs that I don't want to miss, in the past, I meant. And, today, I found something different, that there are certain things in life that I thought I know and I understand, but after so many things happened and I read something like what he wrote in the book, I feel the pain for the very first time, a deeper one compared to whatever books or lines I'd read in the past, that I guess, I understand how he feels because I feel the same too. The kind of pain that only can be understood when you have the same experience.
It is great, I guess? To be able to find some similarities between you and someone who lives in different world and life from you, in a far distance, but something there is connecting the both of you, the same pain, the same guilt and the same feeling of abandonment.
Well, I think that's what we called 'growing up'.
The more you understand, the less you are able to put them in words, because some pains are unspeakable.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
There are things in life...
There are certain things you try hard to avoid in your whole life, yet they keep coming back to you invitingly, every now and then.
There are things too you once thought they won't happen to you no matter what, but years later just to find they had slowly crawling into your life, sneaking in and slowly destroying you old beliefs bit by bit.
There are things too you once thought they won't happen to you no matter what, but years later just to find they had slowly crawling into your life, sneaking in and slowly destroying you old beliefs bit by bit.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Nada (St. John)
So as to taste the best learn to taste of nothing
So as to own all
let go of everything
So as to become who you are
walk away from yourself
So as to become wise
forget all you ever knew
So as to arrive at where you are not
you must walk the path of a nobody
This is what I believe
Quoted from: http://www.bestinspirationalquotes4u.com/blog/37/life-that-can-be-explained-in-one-sentence/
Picture by Marcus Bell
Loneliness
"It was black like a thousand midnights in a cypress swamp.
It was loneliness that is indescribable.
It brought confusion regarding God.
I experienced frustration with life and cirsumstances.
It was the feeling that you have been abandoned, that you are worthless.
I felt unloveable.
The pain was excruciating..."
by Cynthia Swindoll
Read it once and I felt the pain of hers, so just thought of sharing this and may those who are experiencing the same thing would find the strength and reason to continue the journey, even in the darkest moment in life.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Cher - You Havent Seen The Last Of Me
Feeling broken
Barely holding on
But there's just something so strong
Somewhere inside me
And I am down but I'll get up again
Don't count me out just yet
I've been brought down to my knees
And I've been pushed way past the point of breaking
But I can take it
I'll be back
Back on my feet
This is far from over
You haven't seen the last of me
You haven't seen the last of me
They can say that
I won't stay around
But I'm gonna stand my ground
You're not gonna stop me
You don't know me
You don't know who I am
Don't count me out so fast
I've been brought down to my knees
And I've been pushed way past the point of breaking
But I can take it
I'll be back
Back on my feet
This is far from over
You haven't seen the last of me
There will be no fade out
This is not the end
I'm down now
But i'll be standing tall again
Times are hard but
I was built tough
I'm gonna show you all what I'm made of
I've been brought down to my knees
And I've been pushed way past the point of breaking
But I can take it
I'll be back
Back on my feet
This is far from over
I am far from over
You haven't seen the last of me
No no
I'm not going nowhere
I'm staying right here
Oh no
You won't see me begging
I'm not taking my bow
Can't stop me
It's not the end
You haven't seen the last of me
Oh no
You haven't seen the last of me
You haven't seen the last of me
Sunday, March 13, 2011
In one fine Monday afternoon
Students' Study Week and Yahoooo...
But, marking their essays is like... Yukeeee!!!
The most painful struggling moment in every teacher life!
Well, this is the list of things that would make any of the English teachers cry their eyeballs out:
[and one question to ask - Who is their former English teacher? Well, of course, we don't put the blame one others, because the same question will be raised by the teachers who teach them after that :D]
1. He, She and sometimes It are used everywhere in the essay, just to talk about one single person (I called this Gender Confusion Syndrome)
2. Present tense and past tense are used in one single sentence - causing difficulties to the teachers who marked the essay suffered from "Jet Lag Syndrome", well, despite of air travel, we experience all the symptoms e.g: fatigue, insomnia and most importantly the changing of time zones from past to present and from present to past.
3. Most of them don't use transition words often, the moment they used it, it killed you! Because, 'suddenly' is their only favourite transition words they love the most, regardless whether if the incident happened suddenly or not! They just like to use it, to create the climax in their writing. Well, they did it, I would say, at least to the teachers by getting know how creative their students could be in using the only and single one transition word 'suddenly' and expected it would make a big impact to the writing.
Well, well, well... Let's continue marking, it is better than none of them are sending in anything!
Brenda, gambate ne!!! So do Nazz and Wana! Gambate ne!
But, marking their essays is like... Yukeeee!!!
The most painful struggling moment in every teacher life!
Well, this is the list of things that would make any of the English teachers cry their eyeballs out:
[and one question to ask - Who is their former English teacher? Well, of course, we don't put the blame one others, because the same question will be raised by the teachers who teach them after that :D]
1. He, She and sometimes It are used everywhere in the essay, just to talk about one single person (I called this Gender Confusion Syndrome)
2. Present tense and past tense are used in one single sentence - causing difficulties to the teachers who marked the essay suffered from "Jet Lag Syndrome", well, despite of air travel, we experience all the symptoms e.g: fatigue, insomnia and most importantly the changing of time zones from past to present and from present to past.
3. Most of them don't use transition words often, the moment they used it, it killed you! Because, 'suddenly' is their only favourite transition words they love the most, regardless whether if the incident happened suddenly or not! They just like to use it, to create the climax in their writing. Well, they did it, I would say, at least to the teachers by getting know how creative their students could be in using the only and single one transition word 'suddenly' and expected it would make a big impact to the writing.
Well, well, well... Let's continue marking, it is better than none of them are sending in anything!
Brenda, gambate ne!!! So do Nazz and Wana! Gambate ne!
Love at First Sight, by Wislawa Szymborska
Both are convinced
that a sudden surge of emotion bound them together.
Beautiful is such a certainty,
but uncertainty is more beautiful.
Because they didn’t know each other earlier, they suppose that
nothing was happening between them.
What of the streets, stairways and corridors
where they could have passed each other long ago?
I’d like to ask them
whether they remember– perhaps in a revolving door
ever being face to face?
an “excuse me” in a crowd
or a voice “wrong number” in the receiver.
But I know their answer:
no, they don’t remember.
They’d be greatly astonished
to learn that for a long time
chance had been playing with them.
Not yet wholly ready
to transform into fate for them
it approached them, then backed off,
stood in their way
and, suppressing a giggle,
jumped to the side. There were signs, signals:
but what of it if they were illegible.
Perhaps three years ago,
or last Tuesday
did a certain leaflet fly
from shoulder to shoulder?
There was something lost and picked up.
Who knows but what it was a ball
in the bushes of childhood.
There were doorknobs and bells
on which earlier
touch piled on touch.
Bags beside each other in the luggage room.
Perhaps they had the same dream on a certain night,
suddenly erased after waking.
Every beginning
is but a continuation,
and the book of events
is never more than half open.
-translated by Walter Whipple
that a sudden surge of emotion bound them together.
Beautiful is such a certainty,
but uncertainty is more beautiful.
Because they didn’t know each other earlier, they suppose that
nothing was happening between them.
What of the streets, stairways and corridors
where they could have passed each other long ago?
I’d like to ask them
whether they remember– perhaps in a revolving door
ever being face to face?
an “excuse me” in a crowd
or a voice “wrong number” in the receiver.
But I know their answer:
no, they don’t remember.
They’d be greatly astonished
to learn that for a long time
chance had been playing with them.
Not yet wholly ready
to transform into fate for them
it approached them, then backed off,
stood in their way
and, suppressing a giggle,
jumped to the side. There were signs, signals:
but what of it if they were illegible.
Perhaps three years ago,
or last Tuesday
did a certain leaflet fly
from shoulder to shoulder?
There was something lost and picked up.
Who knows but what it was a ball
in the bushes of childhood.
There were doorknobs and bells
on which earlier
touch piled on touch.
Bags beside each other in the luggage room.
Perhaps they had the same dream on a certain night,
suddenly erased after waking.
Every beginning
is but a continuation,
and the book of events
is never more than half open.
-translated by Walter Whipple
A story of hers to tell
She planned for the suicide.
The suicidal thought is conquering her for quite some times. She has the sudden thought of hitting the divider every time traveling on the highway, on her way back to no where. A place called ‘home’ but not hers.
Sometimes, her body and her mind are not connected to each other. What she intended to say always left unspoken, she kept hurting those who love and care about her, and apologize and did it again and apologize again… over and over again…
She is tired, yet can’t help herself to hurt others and herself more.
She planned for the suicide, which eventually she didn’t make it. Too coward to survive, and even more coward to end her own life. She is not brave for anything.
She eventually chooses to be a nobody, pack her things and walk away… hoping no one will find her anymore and slowly disappear from the memories of whoever once know her as who she was.
But, if you looked carefully in the mirror, you will sometimes see her… so helpless and lost. And for most of the times, you turn your back and pretending you know nothing about her and walk away…
The suicidal thought is conquering her for quite some times. She has the sudden thought of hitting the divider every time traveling on the highway, on her way back to no where. A place called ‘home’ but not hers.
Sometimes, her body and her mind are not connected to each other. What she intended to say always left unspoken, she kept hurting those who love and care about her, and apologize and did it again and apologize again… over and over again…
She is tired, yet can’t help herself to hurt others and herself more.
She planned for the suicide, which eventually she didn’t make it. Too coward to survive, and even more coward to end her own life. She is not brave for anything.
She eventually chooses to be a nobody, pack her things and walk away… hoping no one will find her anymore and slowly disappear from the memories of whoever once know her as who she was.
But, if you looked carefully in the mirror, you will sometimes see her… so helpless and lost. And for most of the times, you turn your back and pretending you know nothing about her and walk away…
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Black-out
Though it was a major black-out yesterday evening, it gave me a peace in mind for a few hours.
On my way walking back from the library, the whole college was silent and still… not even a single sound of human beings is heard and the best part, there wasn't any sound of machines that we used to hear every single day.
Only the dry leaves brushing through the ground and soft wind touching the trees and skin… what a peace of mind!
Seating in the office, throwing all the unused stuff and guessed what, it was a lovely experience, although it was a little bit warm in the office due to the black out. I threw tons of papers and organized my place, as I have always wanted. AS I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED and I only get it done in the very afternoon with no electricity supply.
It was the best Wednesday afternoon I ever have here. It was a short break and vacation, a real short one and this morning when I walked in the office seeing the light was on, there was a sense of irrevocably sadness within me.
Good bye, black-out and welcome to the world of light and battle.
On my way walking back from the library, the whole college was silent and still… not even a single sound of human beings is heard and the best part, there wasn't any sound of machines that we used to hear every single day.
Only the dry leaves brushing through the ground and soft wind touching the trees and skin… what a peace of mind!
Seating in the office, throwing all the unused stuff and guessed what, it was a lovely experience, although it was a little bit warm in the office due to the black out. I threw tons of papers and organized my place, as I have always wanted. AS I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED and I only get it done in the very afternoon with no electricity supply.
It was the best Wednesday afternoon I ever have here. It was a short break and vacation, a real short one and this morning when I walked in the office seeing the light was on, there was a sense of irrevocably sadness within me.
Good bye, black-out and welcome to the world of light and battle.
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