Yet to sleep at 2.42am and was so shocked to find that the white blouse that I planned to wear for tomorrow night event is still quietly and smelly sitting in the laundary basket... Oh, man! Hate this! So I rolled down from the bed and headed straight to the washing machine... The most exciting part was after getting my business done with the washing machine, the fresher I felt... Darn!!! And tomorrow is a sport day == And with the dark circles that I will be having due to this sleepless night and bending my body one side due to the pain beared for days tomorrow, it would be a long rough day for me... 
Couldn't stop thinking of a few things that happened currently of how humourous God was... that He knew I am a sad but strong-headed and angry child whom never listen and difficult to handle by others, so He got me some friends who face the same problem and got me to handle them to look for answers... He is real tricky but great! He does wonders! The answer that I am looking for is always within me...
So I will get few things done started from now...
1. Be myself still, even though most of you may not like me... who cares? I don't! I am just me, I can't be somebody else... trying to change me proves that you never really see me clearly and what's more to accept and love me?! If we don't share the same wave same channel same path, just walk away and I am fine with it! And of course I don't hate you for that, I never wasted my time on unnecessary matters.
2. I don't believe in giving up before trying, so this year bagpack to NZ Kent Chua! It's the matter of making time for each other and of how much you love me to spend time doing things together. If you don't, then just forget about it! I would not mourn and wait, you know I won't since the very first day... We all have to move on!
3. Okay, I feel that I must have been crazy that I cling on someone too much that I've never experienced in the past, just because that someone has something that I don't have and of which I have never seen that in any of those around me up to this day... Nay, that someone is not that special, instead plain BUT different... It's time to focus on God, Bren... not His creation, no matter how beautiful and arousing, that is His creation still... Divert my focus is another task to deal it!
4. I love and I care, and I hug people but I forever feel awkward to be pat on shoulders, to be hugged, to be loved... I often walk away from those who did that to me... I love you, but don't try to love me, I feel suffocate and of course don't hurt me too... And that explains why I stay 13 years with the same guy, faithfully... Time to deal with this too!
5. Lose some pounds, please! Feeling heavier and heavier, my muscles are weakening....And the pain, only I understand... A no no to surgery and steroids! Preparing for the worst, but before that I wish to go for more hiking, a marathon perhaps?! at least once? If I made it to NZ this year, another bagpack to Australia and next to Europe... Life is short and fragile... It's not wrong to make myself to feel alive!
3.33am time to get back to bed...