Being independent and living all alone these years somehow making one to feel awkward when it comes to dealing with people and maintaining relationships. You just don't know how and what to do when you somehow thought you met those who shared so much in common with you... so that they don't find you annoying and irritating, you wish to blend in and build better connection, you wish for acceptance, but deep down in you, you somehow know that you are different, perhaps so much different from any other people that they have ever came across in life...

You feel like a kid standing in front of the glass door of a toy shop staring at the expensive fine exquisite toy that you couldn't afford to buy, and even if you spent all your saving for the toy, you just couldn't keep it for long, it's not meant to be yours, you will eventually either break it or lose it... so you eventually decide to walk away.

Living in the nearby neighborhood, you will once in every blue moon pass by the shop and secretly glare at the toy, to check if it's still there. You feel some sort of relief seeing it stood still in the glass door, as it's still there and you know you will get to see it again and again, perhaps. A mixture of feelings you have actually, as you pat the pocket full of coins you have in your small little torn bag you bring every where you go, you are so hesitate, so then like many other times before this, you just tell yourself, go, don't look back, this isn't they type of toy someone like you should have.

Until one day from far you see a little girl with delicate fancy dress walks into the shop with her mom, your heart pound so hard that you know this toy eventually will go to this girl... you run quickly to the shop, the fastest you have ever ran in your entire life, but you just stopped at the lamp post next to the shop and never go inside. You see how she who has a pair of beautiful eyes with nicely tide ponytail picks up the toy of your dream, hand it over to the shopkeeper. You could never forget the beautiful smile on her face as she holds the toy, a sense of satisfaction. She is so pretty, the prettiest little girl you have ever seen, she perhaps isn't from the same neighborhood. They wrap it with the kind of expensive gift wrapper that would cost a month of your mom's wage and give it to her. That's the last time you ever see the toy, knowing that's a goodbye, tears stream down your cheeks and you couldn't help yourself but to tremble more and more, as your heart wrenches. You wish you would just run to the girl and rob the toy, run as fast as you could so that no one catches you, but you did nothing. You stare at your muddy hands and torn dress that your mom took from some rubbish bin at the back yard, you remember how those boys called you, filthy little thing, you remember how you have been digging for cans at the dump site days and nights to collect for the exact amount to get the toy. You feel so little of yourself not being able to dare wanting and keeping even a toy like many other little girls. The thunderous voice of your mom shouted from the opposite of street asking you to join her for another odd job in the evening scattered all your thoughts and dreams. You wipe your tears and never look back at the toy shop, the girl and the toy in her hand that once made you grin from ears to ears and made your little sad and lonely soul blossomed... it's time to go on alone, as not everyone, everything started with you will finish with you and it's okay, that little girl definitely will be a better master to the toy than you...