Had a conversation with an almost 60 year-old lady who had recently filed a divorce and it was quite a disturbing conversation for someone like me who had just got married for less than a year... to know that how men would change (or precisely we all do) and want different things at different ages, how men can be world-best dads and fathers would still end up having affairs outside thier marriage. She talked from experience and of others that she knows. Literally I'm aware of what's happening in the society and how trivial most people view marriage today, still it took me few days to digest the 'issue' and of course, the fear of what could possibly happen to my marriage one day...
And finally these aremy conclusions:
1. Fear God, so you won't commit adultery or any kind of doings that disgrace God. 2. Seek help and strength from the above to fight for all the temptations, we alone are nothing but weak and small without Him.
3. We have hope and the hope is in Him.
4. Learn to 'keep thy hearth with all diligence；for out of it are the issue of life' [Proverb 4:23]
Amen!
Thursday, October 9, 2014
Student: Teacher, I'll give you a letter regarding my absence last week.
Teacher: Sure! Are you okay?
Student: I went to KL with my family, my brother had an accident...
Teacher: Oh, okay! So, how's he?
Student: He passed away...
She walked back to her seat, leaving the teacher with her stupid shocking face :O
And a moment later, she started joking with her friends...
* * *
Question 1: Are people now better in accepting death than people back then?
Or perhaps, she just doesn't know how to react?
Question 2: What's in her mind?
Is it something like, 'Hey! Life goes on! What's the point being darned sad when you know died means dead, end of story, finished, full stop!'
Or, 'Leave me alone! I just dont want to talk about it! You can't see my tears doesnt mean I'm not sad, it's just too fake to cry about it anymore...'
So, was I the one who is thinking too much here or the one who could never learn to accept death? ...
Teacher: Sure! Are you okay?
Student: I went to KL with my family, my brother had an accident...
Teacher: Oh, okay! So, how's he?
Student: He passed away...
She walked back to her seat, leaving the teacher with her stupid shocking face :O
And a moment later, she started joking with her friends...
* * *
Question 1: Are people now better in accepting death than people back then?
Or perhaps, she just doesn't know how to react?
Question 2: What's in her mind?
Is it something like, 'Hey! Life goes on! What's the point being darned sad when you know died means dead, end of story, finished, full stop!'
Or, 'Leave me alone! I just dont want to talk about it! You can't see my tears doesnt mean I'm not sad, it's just too fake to cry about it anymore...'
So, was I the one who is thinking too much here or the one who could never learn to accept death? ...
It'd happened. Past. Full-stop. But, the pain etched forever in those who experience the loss... People from all walk of life prayed and waited for miracles to happen, but there ain't any miracles... hopes and miracles were destroyed by those who do not fear God... No doubt satan is the master who roams this earth, the master of lust, greed and desire, let's all perish when the judgemental day is here...
In Him, I hope and pray, seek for forgiveness and repent, though I would never look at it the same way anymore...
In Him, I hope and pray, seek for forgiveness and repent, though I would never look at it the same way anymore...
When I don't feel good,
I shop a lot,
I read and I don't talk,
(Okay, I read bible, too)
I watch a lot of TV and I don't sleep,
Strictly no calls, no advice, no nagging...
I just want to spend a little bit more time with myself (and more precisely, with Him)
to get myself back in one piece,
to face the world,
to battle uncertainties,
to resist temptations,
to accept changes,
to feel loved,
to love once again,
to forget and forgive,
to hope more,
to have a little bit extra faith each day,
and to always steadfast in the Lord,
as the bible says "Above all else, guard your heart,
for everything you do flows from it." Proverbs 4:23
I shop a lot,
I read and I don't talk,
(Okay, I read bible, too)
I watch a lot of TV and I don't sleep,
Strictly no calls, no advice, no nagging...
I just want to spend a little bit more time with myself (and more precisely, with Him)
to get myself back in one piece,
to face the world,
to battle uncertainties,
to resist temptations,
to accept changes,
to feel loved,
to love once again,
to forget and forgive,
to hope more,
to have a little bit extra faith each day,
and to always steadfast in the Lord,
as the bible says "Above all else, guard your heart,
for everything you do flows from it." Proverbs 4:23
There are times we try so much to make sense of the world our own way, to understand people around us the most possible way,
to find excuses for the mistakes we see in those we loved and cared,
and decide to run away eventually when there is too much to endure...
so then, we hide ourselves in the dark,
we groan quietly,
we say to ourselves we could never get over it,
but... someday, we just somehow managed to,
so we get up and brave our broken souls,
as in time all flowers turn to face the sun,
and once again... or perhaps it would be more than once that we will try
to forget and forgive, though the pain is so much unbearable,
to face the world and smile, though most of the times we fake it,
to pray and stay faithful to God, though deep inside us we know that our faith is wearing thin and sick,
because we know someday everything shall pass,
and God, His word is a lamp to our feet and a light for our path (Psalm 119:105)
Life, after all is a beautiful struggle...
to find excuses for the mistakes we see in those we loved and cared,
and decide to run away eventually when there is too much to endure...
so then, we hide ourselves in the dark,
we groan quietly,
we say to ourselves we could never get over it,
but... someday, we just somehow managed to,
so we get up and brave our broken souls,
as in time all flowers turn to face the sun,
and once again... or perhaps it would be more than once that we will try
to forget and forgive, though the pain is so much unbearable,
to face the world and smile, though most of the times we fake it,
to pray and stay faithful to God, though deep inside us we know that our faith is wearing thin and sick,
because we know someday everything shall pass,
and God, His word is a lamp to our feet and a light for our path (Psalm 119:105)
Life, after all is a beautiful struggle...
Packed some stuff tonight and found all the 3 inches high heels sealed and hidden long time ago after knowing that I would never get to wear any of them anymore... Well, there will come the time where you accept the way you are now, no matter how frustrated and how much you mourn about it, life goes on and you just found some other alternatives to make yourself happier so you could forget the past, stand tall and move on...
As for me now, I'm looking forward to experiencing the wonders of God and it will definitely be something way better than the 3 inches high heels that I once obsessed with...
As for me now, I'm looking forward to experiencing the wonders of God and it will definitely be something way better than the 3 inches high heels that I once obsessed with...
The best thing in life one could finally understand is... the joy of dancing in the rain and hoped for the rainbow, though the darkness, hurt, pain and suffering may envelope one's life every now and then...
Still thank the Lord, for He gives one enough strength and courageous to face all battles... and few angels to always remind one of how much one was loved and cared for...
Still thank the Lord, for He gives one enough strength and courageous to face all battles... and few angels to always remind one of how much one was loved and cared for...
我们其实除了上帝 什么也没有
豪宅 洋房 汽车 存款 名牌 伴侣
若不是神许可我们成为管家
我们真的有这个能耐独当一面么
我们除了自己 一具躯壳 和灵魂
卸下一切 什么都不是
事业成就 身份名利 权势财富 容貌智慧
我们都拼命紧握因为不抗一击
其实我们都默认这一切会过去
若不是神赐下怜悯和恩典
谁都分不到一杯羹
我们既卑微无能 竟讽刺的骄傲
将自己捧在世界的中心 不知所谓 无知肤浅
更讽刺无知的是
原来连这具被岁月摧残的残喘不堪的 躯壳 和 灵魂 都不属于我们
讽刺的我 和 你
本来就应该 羞愧 面红耳赤
既然 什么都不是我们的
我们也什么都不是
还有什么是放不下的么
谦卑跟随主 还要有所顾虑么
我们的年日终究会成为过去
短暂的生命 你想它绽放的什么 它就是什么
豪宅 洋房 汽车 存款 名牌 伴侣
若不是神许可我们成为管家
我们真的有这个能耐独当一面么
我们除了自己 一具躯壳 和灵魂
卸下一切 什么都不是
事业成就 身份名利 权势财富 容貌智慧
我们都拼命紧握因为不抗一击
其实我们都默认这一切会过去
若不是神赐下怜悯和恩典
谁都分不到一杯羹
我们既卑微无能 竟讽刺的骄傲
将自己捧在世界的中心 不知所谓 无知肤浅
更讽刺无知的是
原来连这具被岁月摧残的残喘不堪的 躯壳 和 灵魂 都不属于我们
讽刺的我 和 你
本来就应该 羞愧 面红耳赤
既然 什么都不是我们的
我们也什么都不是
还有什么是放不下的么
谦卑跟随主 还要有所顾虑么
我们的年日终究会成为过去
短暂的生命 你想它绽放的什么 它就是什么
妳挽着Hermes Birkin一脸不屑
你驾着Bugatti挥身尊贵 霸气
你和妳 永远夹着墨镜
一种象征 身份地位 隔膜
高高在上 不可一世 自卑
其实 妳和你
墨镜背后 尽都破碎不堪
不能承认的软弱
不能被识破的孤独
所以 你和妳
在下一次出游
挽住的包 代步的车
要比这一次和过去的华丽震叹
妳和你 伪装得累么
这世界没什么不可以
你和妳 可以继续纸醉金迷
然后继续寂寞 为我独尊
这世界也其实没什么大不了
如果有一天妳抛下Hermes和墨镜 赤着脚奔过Beverly Hills
还有你 脱下Tommy Hilfiger的T和墨镜 汗流夹背得奔跑在Lake Pontchartrain Causeway
谁在看 谁在意
这世界只有你在乎
世界才跟着在意起来
所以真的没什么大不了
因为这个世界妳和你究竟是谁都没什么大不了
没有多少个人记得你
你和妳 我和你
终究都要被这个世界遗忘
所以 还有什么大不的么
你驾着Bugatti挥身尊贵 霸气
你和妳 永远夹着墨镜
一种象征 身份地位 隔膜
高高在上 不可一世 自卑
其实 妳和你
墨镜背后 尽都破碎不堪
不能承认的软弱
不能被识破的孤独
所以 你和妳
在下一次出游
挽住的包 代步的车
要比这一次和过去的华丽震叹
妳和你 伪装得累么
这世界没什么不可以
你和妳 可以继续纸醉金迷
然后继续寂寞 为我独尊
这世界也其实没什么大不了
如果有一天妳抛下Hermes和墨镜 赤着脚奔过Beverly Hills
还有你 脱下Tommy Hilfiger的T和墨镜 汗流夹背得奔跑在Lake Pontchartrain Causeway
谁在看 谁在意
这世界只有你在乎
世界才跟着在意起来
所以真的没什么大不了
因为这个世界妳和你究竟是谁都没什么大不了
没有多少个人记得你
你和妳 我和你
终究都要被这个世界遗忘
所以 还有什么大不的么
So, we are different... I thought we share a lot of things in common and we could make good friends, but we don't actually... Sorry for my straightforwardness and open-minded, but I wouldn't simply change just because of you, I have been living this way for almost 32 years and I can't be someone else, who is not me at all... But you are indeed one great person that I have ever known, perhaps we are just not meant to be good friends and that's okay for me, really...
Yet to sleep at 2.42am and was so shocked to find that the white blouse that I planned to wear for tomorrow night event is still quietly and smelly sitting in the laundary basket... Oh, man! Hate this! So I rolled down from the bed and headed straight to the washing machine... The most exciting part was after getting my business done with the washing machine, the fresher I felt... Darn!!! And tomorrow is a sport day == And with the dark circles that I will be having due to this sleepless night and bending my body one side due to the pain beared for days tomorrow, it would be a long rough day for me...
Couldn't stop thinking of a few things that happened currently of how humourous God was... that He knew I am a sad but strong-headed and angry child whom never listen and difficult to handle by others, so He got me some friends who face the same problem and got me to handle them to look for answers... He is real tricky but great! He does wonders! The answer that I am looking for is always within me...
So I will get few things done started from now...
1. Be myself still, even though most of you may not like me... who cares? I don't! I am just me, I can't be somebody else... trying to change me proves that you never really see me clearly and what's more to accept and love me?! If we don't share the same wave same channel same path, just walk away and I am fine with it! And of course I don't hate you for that, I never wasted my time on unnecessary matters.
2. I don't believe in giving up before trying, so this year bagpack to NZ Kent Chua! It's the matter of making time for each other and of how much you love me to spend time doing things together. If you don't, then just forget about it! I would not mourn and wait, you know I won't since the very first day... We all have to move on!
3. Okay, I feel that I must have been crazy that I cling on someone too much that I've never experienced in the past, just because that someone has something that I don't have and of which I have never seen that in any of those around me up to this day... Nay, that someone is not that special, instead plain BUT different... It's time to focus on God, Bren... not His creation, no matter how beautiful and arousing, that is His creation still... Divert my focus is another task to deal it!
4. I love and I care, and I hug people but I forever feel awkward to be pat on shoulders, to be hugged, to be loved... I often walk away from those who did that to me... I love you, but don't try to love me, I feel suffocate and of course don't hurt me too... And that explains why I stay 13 years with the same guy, faithfully... Time to deal with this too!
5. Lose some pounds, please! Feeling heavier and heavier, my muscles are weakening....And the pain, only I understand... A no no to surgery and steroids! Preparing for the worst, but before that I wish to go for more hiking, a marathon perhaps?! at least once? If I made it to NZ this year, another bagpack to Australia and next to Europe... Life is short and fragile... It's not wrong to make myself to feel alive!
3.33am time to get back to bed...
Couldn't stop thinking of a few things that happened currently of how humourous God was... that He knew I am a sad but strong-headed and angry child whom never listen and difficult to handle by others, so He got me some friends who face the same problem and got me to handle them to look for answers... He is real tricky but great! He does wonders! The answer that I am looking for is always within me...
So I will get few things done started from now...
1. Be myself still, even though most of you may not like me... who cares? I don't! I am just me, I can't be somebody else... trying to change me proves that you never really see me clearly and what's more to accept and love me?! If we don't share the same wave same channel same path, just walk away and I am fine with it! And of course I don't hate you for that, I never wasted my time on unnecessary matters.
2. I don't believe in giving up before trying, so this year bagpack to NZ Kent Chua! It's the matter of making time for each other and of how much you love me to spend time doing things together. If you don't, then just forget about it! I would not mourn and wait, you know I won't since the very first day... We all have to move on!
3. Okay, I feel that I must have been crazy that I cling on someone too much that I've never experienced in the past, just because that someone has something that I don't have and of which I have never seen that in any of those around me up to this day... Nay, that someone is not that special, instead plain BUT different... It's time to focus on God, Bren... not His creation, no matter how beautiful and arousing, that is His creation still... Divert my focus is another task to deal it!
4. I love and I care, and I hug people but I forever feel awkward to be pat on shoulders, to be hugged, to be loved... I often walk away from those who did that to me... I love you, but don't try to love me, I feel suffocate and of course don't hurt me too... And that explains why I stay 13 years with the same guy, faithfully... Time to deal with this too!
5. Lose some pounds, please! Feeling heavier and heavier, my muscles are weakening....And the pain, only I understand... A no no to surgery and steroids! Preparing for the worst, but before that I wish to go for more hiking, a marathon perhaps?! at least once? If I made it to NZ this year, another bagpack to Australia and next to Europe... Life is short and fragile... It's not wrong to make myself to feel alive!
3.33am time to get back to bed...
Would you still love everyone the same and be the same you even after you were hurt and abandoned? Would you still care and love for those who shunned you away when you needed them the most? You cry but no tears, you scream but no one hears, you are all alone, hope fades away,... everything is just bleak and pitch dark... no man understands because they just refused to feel for you, they are too weak and coward to face them all for you... Would you still believe in justice and stand for righteousness even when no one believes or even cares? Would you, would you still choose to shed your blood on the cross to save those who betrayed you, who refused to even voice out for a slight of mercy so that you won't have to pain so much... Would you, would you... Been trying hard my whole life to avoid watching 'The Passion of the Christ', as I just don't know how to handle the pain and death that He has to bear for my sin, or in other words, I am no difference than those who shunned Him and abandoned Him 2000 years ago... I watched it eventually, everything is just unplanned and I think He wants me to watch it... So that I feel Him again... that I feel the pain He bears for not only my sins but pain for my selfishness and cowardice... Lord, please lead me to your cross and make me see you so that my whole life is blessed and whole, so that I could bless others one day, so that one day I could stand steadfast and faithfully in your name...
Celine: 慧梅姐姐,I wish to see you wearing dress... (giggling)
Me: Why?!
Celine: Well, just wanted to see... Please...
***
Celine: 慧梅姐姐, I would like to see you enter my class and teach me and my friends...
Me: Nope, you don't want that, I can guarantee you this...
Celine: Why? I think you should! How about Sunday School? Can you enter and teach me?
I looked at her... what's wrong with this little girl? Our first encounter was 8 years ago, I saw her the moment she was brought out by the doctor from the labor room...
***
Her 6th day without her mum and I broughr her out for dinner and simple outing.
Me: Did you cry secretly at night?
Celine: Yeah...(Barely could hear her)
I was stunned and sadness crept in, it was supposed to be a joke...
***
We hold hands and walked in the mall.
Celine: 慧梅姐姐, others might just think that you are my mum and I am your daughter (smiling)
Me: Yeah yeah...
I looked at her... she really means something to me...
***
Sent her and the sister back home...
Celine: 慧梅姐姐, do you want to stay until daddy got back home and waited for him to ring up mom so you will know what happened to grandma?
I was quiet for a moment and asked: Are you missing me?
Celine: Yeah... (Again her voice was so slow that I could hardly hear her)
... that reminded me of what she told Sakura Tang saying that I was her aunty (I am not the mother's sister of course, guess she misundetstood the relation) and I was very nice to her... and she even requested to have a room of her own with Hello Kitty theme once I get my house... how excited she was knowing I will go and sleep with her at night and attended the prize giving ceremonies that she invited me to, just the two of us...
Celine Chua God bless you... and to love you, I bring you to Him so He will guard your whole life... Love you!
Me: Why?!
Celine: Well, just wanted to see... Please...
***
Celine: 慧梅姐姐, I would like to see you enter my class and teach me and my friends...
Me: Nope, you don't want that, I can guarantee you this...
Celine: Why? I think you should! How about Sunday School? Can you enter and teach me?
I looked at her... what's wrong with this little girl? Our first encounter was 8 years ago, I saw her the moment she was brought out by the doctor from the labor room...
***
Her 6th day without her mum and I broughr her out for dinner and simple outing.
Me: Did you cry secretly at night?
Celine: Yeah...(Barely could hear her)
I was stunned and sadness crept in, it was supposed to be a joke...
***
We hold hands and walked in the mall.
Celine: 慧梅姐姐, others might just think that you are my mum and I am your daughter (smiling)
Me: Yeah yeah...
I looked at her... she really means something to me...
***
Sent her and the sister back home...
Celine: 慧梅姐姐, do you want to stay until daddy got back home and waited for him to ring up mom so you will know what happened to grandma?
I was quiet for a moment and asked: Are you missing me?
Celine: Yeah... (Again her voice was so slow that I could hardly hear her)
... that reminded me of what she told Sakura Tang saying that I was her aunty (I am not the mother's sister of course, guess she misundetstood the relation) and I was very nice to her... and she even requested to have a room of her own with Hello Kitty theme once I get my house... how excited she was knowing I will go and sleep with her at night and attended the prize giving ceremonies that she invited me to, just the two of us...
Celine Chua God bless you... and to love you, I bring you to Him so He will guard your whole life... Love you!
30岁以前交朋友
花很多金钱和时间
建立感情 打造美好时光
欢笑 泪水 哭闹 玩乐
最好还要一起走过失恋
这样的友情更铭心刻骨
如今30过后
没有人再轻易透露内心
收起眼泪 也不再哭闹
偶而出来两小杯 说说工作
说家庭 抱怨国家 就不说自己
我们都把自己收藏起来
因为形象是站的住脚的筹码
因为内心的悲伤是一种卑微
不能被看见 别人也无力承担
所以30岁以后的朋友
不是不爱 只是爱的不够彻底
如吃饭 年纪大了谁都只吃7分饱
吃多了 腻 久了就不想再吃 再见
就看谁幸运 还能遇见用心的几个
一个眼神 一个微笑 就明了的默契
难过时 立马赶来 什么话也不说
就这样 一直一直陪你坐到天亮
然后再见面时 都不当一回事
不过从此 这段友谊升华了
你知道这样的朋友
无论过了多久 不会忘 不会走开
可是 我们还能再遇见么 这样的人
而 你和我 也还是这样的人么
花很多金钱和时间
建立感情 打造美好时光
欢笑 泪水 哭闹 玩乐
最好还要一起走过失恋
这样的友情更铭心刻骨
如今30过后
没有人再轻易透露内心
收起眼泪 也不再哭闹
偶而出来两小杯 说说工作
说家庭 抱怨国家 就不说自己
我们都把自己收藏起来
因为形象是站的住脚的筹码
因为内心的悲伤是一种卑微
不能被看见 别人也无力承担
所以30岁以后的朋友
不是不爱 只是爱的不够彻底
如吃饭 年纪大了谁都只吃7分饱
吃多了 腻 久了就不想再吃 再见
就看谁幸运 还能遇见用心的几个
一个眼神 一个微笑 就明了的默契
难过时 立马赶来 什么话也不说
就这样 一直一直陪你坐到天亮
然后再见面时 都不当一回事
不过从此 这段友谊升华了
你知道这样的朋友
无论过了多久 不会忘 不会走开
可是 我们还能再遇见么 这样的人
而 你和我 也还是这样的人么
Humanity is a choice.
To say no is a choice.
To make a difference is a choice.
To go above all fray and fear is a choice.
Life is always about making the choice of whether to compromise with inhumanity, injustice and wickedness.
To go with the flow with the rest is no doubt a choice, which will keep us safe among the cowards and the ignorant. Therefore, it's the choice that we made to forever live in guilt, self-denial and cowardice. And when the day comes, it's our choice that make us suffer just like the rest whom we did not choose to stand in justice and righteousness for them, because no one will as we never show them how...
To say no is a choice.
To make a difference is a choice.
To go above all fray and fear is a choice.
Life is always about making the choice of whether to compromise with inhumanity, injustice and wickedness.
To go with the flow with the rest is no doubt a choice, which will keep us safe among the cowards and the ignorant. Therefore, it's the choice that we made to forever live in guilt, self-denial and cowardice. And when the day comes, it's our choice that make us suffer just like the rest whom we did not choose to stand in justice and righteousness for them, because no one will as we never show them how...
July 10, 2014
12.55am
When good men do nothing, the evil triumphs...
Perhaps I am ignorant, but I believe in Holy Spirit who guides my heart and soul... who tells me what to do and what I should do without having to think too much of whether will I trip or I won't...
If David think as much as we do today, if Moses and Elijah fear the same too, then we perished long long ago...
To feel for others and wanting to do good should be something that existed in us if God is in us... as He is good, merciful and righteous, Jesus never fears of His own downfall, instead He makes friends with the sinners... We allow fear to control us and choose to walk away as we see ourselves as weak and fragile... And we say we are His disciples... What's make us different from the rest? What's the real meaning of being a Christian? To walk real carefully so that we won't fall and ignore those who need salvation as much as we ourselves needed in the past?
It is after all a choice to walk in faith even if we could see only darkness...
If it's not us, then who?
12.55am
When good men do nothing, the evil triumphs...
Perhaps I am ignorant, but I believe in Holy Spirit who guides my heart and soul... who tells me what to do and what I should do without having to think too much of whether will I trip or I won't...
If David think as much as we do today, if Moses and Elijah fear the same too, then we perished long long ago...
To feel for others and wanting to do good should be something that existed in us if God is in us... as He is good, merciful and righteous, Jesus never fears of His own downfall, instead He makes friends with the sinners... We allow fear to control us and choose to walk away as we see ourselves as weak and fragile... And we say we are His disciples... What's make us different from the rest? What's the real meaning of being a Christian? To walk real carefully so that we won't fall and ignore those who need salvation as much as we ourselves needed in the past?
It is after all a choice to walk in faith even if we could see only darkness...
If it's not us, then who?
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